The Top 14 Signs You're Married to a Liberal
14. In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were replaced with "legitimize, empower, and respect her reproductive freedom."
13. Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is starting to block the sun.
12. Supported Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why.
11. After a poor performance in the bedroom you find
yourself enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.
10. To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you wipe your own ass.
9. Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer.
8. You casually mention your "Euthanize the Homeless" idea and -- BANG! -- no sex for a month.
7. What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let's get to the mall and buy something!
6. Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse."
5. He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket launcher.
4. At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!"
3. It's bad enough that he looks like an extra from "Deliverance" -- now he can't keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those talk shows.
2. Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!"
and the Number 1 Sign You're Married to a Liberal...
1. She's got the kids playing "Barbaric Imperialists and Innocent Native Americans" again.